Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up (arrogant); does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil (keeps no accounts of evil/keeps no record of wrongs); does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NKJV

I used to think that love was an emotion, but I have learned that we can love others without feeling any emotion at all. Biblical love (charity) is a decision we make to do good to others (following the example of Jesus) – having their best interest at heart regardless of how we feel. Love can also be expressed in our emotions, however it is not based on our emotions.

The same is true with forgiveness. We can choose to forgive others regardless of how we feel, because it is a decision we willingly make. From personal experience I can testify that forgiving others is not easy, but it is possible. It is also important for us to forgive ourselves for what we have done wrong.

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV

Continually walking in unforgiveness will bring us into spiritual bondage, therefore it is better for us to forgive others and let go of the past. Holding on to unforgiveness will eventually turn into bitterness and resentment if not dealt with, and this will really hurt us in the long run.

Learning to truly forgive ourselves and others is crucial for our spiritual growth and development and it helps us to purify our hearts before God. Choosing to forgive others from our heart will set us free to walk in Christ like love and freedom. When we choose to willingly forgive someone, we can ask Jesus to heal our hearts from all the heartache and pain caused, and if possible to restore any broken relationships.

I’d like to share my testimony with you of how the Lord dealt with me recently, because I truly believed that I had forgiven people who had wronged me in the past. The Lord gave me a new-found understanding of how to know for certain that I had fully forgiven others and based upon what He showed me, I realized that I actually hadn’t fully forgiven these people. This new-found understanding is based upon 2 questions (which I have shared below) and as the Lord and I worked through these, He helped me to let go of the past, forgive from my heart and walk in the absolute peace and freedom of knowing that I have fully forgiven myself, and others. For this reason, I would like to share this new-found understanding with you, so that you too can have God’s perfect peace in knowing that you are continually walking in true forgiveness.

(Kindly note that this is just a guide based upon personal experience, but the Lord is sovereign and He can choose any other way to communicate with us)

How can we know for certain that we have forgiven someone?

There are 2 questions we can ask ourselves:

1. Are we keeping a mental checklist of how the person has wronged us, or what they have done wrong?
2. Are we able to ask God to forgive them, knowing that when He forgives He also forgets their sin?

Let’s explore these in a bit more depth:

1. Keeping a mental checklist of how the person has wronged us

I had an experience a while ago where God showed me that I was still keeping a mental checklist of how people had wronged me in the past. 1 Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love does not keep a record of wrongs. I honestly thought that I had completely forgiven these people, but God showed me that because I was still keeping an account of wrongs, I was no longer walking in love and He instructed me to let go of everything. It wasn’t easy for me to tear up the list of wrongs I was holding onto, because I thought that a time would come whereby I could use this list to prove my innocence in certain matters. But I had to choose to let it go and trust God’s promises to me. I decided to tear up the record of wrongs and let it go. I can testify that it brought freedom, joy and peace into my heart. Thank You Jesus!

2. Are we able to ask God to forgive them, knowing that when God forgives someone, He also forgets their sin?

With this second point, I know that God was doing a heart check on me to show me where my heart was really at. I believe that the Holy Spirit was leading me to forgive others in the same way that Jesus forgave while on earth. We know that when Jesus was on the cross, He had every reason to harbor unforgiveness for what was done to Him, yet He cried out to God for mercy. While on the cross Jesus never received an apology nor was He asked for forgiveness, yet He willingly forgave and asked His Father to forgive those who had wronged Him.

Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

Luke 23:34 NKJV

We also see in another Scripture that Jesus’ blood cried out for mercy and not vengeance.

And to Jesus, the Mediator of a new covenant (uniting God and man), and to the sprinkling blood, which speaks (of mercy), a better and nobler and more gracious message than the blood of Abel (which cried out for vengeance).

Hebrews 12:24 AMPC

During this heart check, I knew the Lord was asking me if I could not only forgive the people who had wronged me, but could I also ask Him to forgive them. This heart check was very hard for me because I know that when God forgives someone, He also forgets their sin.

For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.

Hebrews 8:12 NKJV

When I was faced with this decision, at first I couldn’t do it. But then God in His mercy and grace showed me that the reason I couldn’t do it was not because I wanted vengeance, but instead I wanted my name to be vindicated. Later that night while I was praying, God showed me something which I am not at liberty to share at this time, but what He showed me gave me the compassion I needed to ask God to forgive the person. By doing this, I knew in my heart that I have completely forgiven the person.

For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

James 2:13 NKJV

My heartfelt prayer is that this message comes across as a message of encouragement and exhortation to forgive and let go of the past. Carrying unforgiveness is a heavy burden that will hurt us in the long run. We can choose to let it go, give it into God’s hands and trust that He will make it right. I have shown you from personal experience that I know it’s not easy, but if we are prepared to work with the Lord, asking Him for help, He will do the necessary work in us.

Thank You Jesus!